A Letter To My Sons...Love, Mom

I was listening to the song "Crystal Ball" by Styx and the line, "I wonder what tomorrow has in mind for me, or am I even in it's mind at all" continued to echo through my soul as the day has gone on. It got me thinking about what it would be like to have a crystal ball. Would it be good or bad? What I do know is that I hold some of those keys inside that I could share with my 3 amazing sons. Tomorrow is not promised-neither is today. All there is-here and now. I am making this public so that maybe if there is something you need to resolve before you pass, now may be just the time to open up your crystal ball...

Dear Wesley James, Patrick Elliott and Quinton Collingwood,

I love you. I like you. I am proud of you. These are some statements that many children do not hear often enough from their Moms. Some moms are not able to say those things, but I am not one of those moms. I really have put a lot of thought into the kind of mom I was for you. I'm sure you each got a little bit of a different "mom experience", but overall, I think I treated you all fairly. 

I did the best I could-with what I had-at the time. 

Some of those times were really difficult for me and I know you tried to protect me. I'm sorry you had to play that role. I'm sorry for the nights you were afraid and I'm sorry for the times that I couldn't make it all better. I hope I demonstrated strength and passion for life. I hope you always felt love, even during my not-so-loveable times. We went without and for that I am also sorry. Yes, we were poor in $ but never poor in love. 

Playing a single mother role for the majority of your life and trying desperately to make myself better, I hope that you never felt alone. No matter where I was, you were always in my heart and on my mind. All of my decisions were made with you all as the first consideration. 

If today is to be my last day I would wish that you would not be sad. I want you to always lean on and love each other. Take care of our memories and take care of yourselves. Never take a day for granted and always take chances. I took a lot of chances. Some ended very poorly, but some were spectacular. YOU three were my best work! I LOVE YOU!

                                                                        Love,

                                                               Mom, Mutha, Mommy