A Letter To My Sons...Love, Mom

I was listening to the song "Crystal Ball" by Styx and the line, "I wonder what tomorrow has in mind for me, or am I even in it's mind at all" continued to echo through my soul as the day has gone on. It got me thinking about what it would be like to have a crystal ball. Would it be good or bad? What I do know is that I hold some of those keys inside that I could share with my 3 amazing sons. Tomorrow is not promised-neither is today. All there is-here and now. I am making this public so that maybe if there is something you need to resolve before you pass, now may be just the time to open up your crystal ball...

Dear Wesley James, Patrick Elliott and Quinton Collingwood,

I love you. I like you. I am proud of you. These are some statements that many children do not hear often enough from their Moms. Some moms are not able to say those things, but I am not one of those moms. I really have put a lot of thought into the kind of mom I was for you. I'm sure you each got a little bit of a different "mom experience", but overall, I think I treated you all fairly. 

I did the best I could-with what I had-at the time. 

Some of those times were really difficult for me and I know you tried to protect me. I'm sorry you had to play that role. I'm sorry for the nights you were afraid and I'm sorry for the times that I couldn't make it all better. I hope I demonstrated strength and passion for life. I hope you always felt love, even during my not-so-loveable times. We went without and for that I am also sorry. Yes, we were poor in $ but never poor in love. 

Playing a single mother role for the majority of your life and trying desperately to make myself better, I hope that you never felt alone. No matter where I was, you were always in my heart and on my mind. All of my decisions were made with you all as the first consideration. 

If today is to be my last day I would wish that you would not be sad. I want you to always lean on and love each other. Take care of our memories and take care of yourselves. Never take a day for granted and always take chances. I took a lot of chances. Some ended very poorly, but some were spectacular. YOU three were my best work! I LOVE YOU!

                                                                        Love,

                                                               Mom, Mutha, Mommy

You Can Not Reap What You Do Not Sow

I am sharing this with you, Constant Reader in order to be accountable for my lack of planning and caring for my garden this year. January saw a plan for my summer garden which was thick with food for storage. June saw that I had ordered no new heirloom seeds and had absolutely no energy for planting-period. Sarah's Eden is not at all what I had envisioned but this will help me to organize my thoughts. Never again will I be so unprepared and unmotivated. Shame on me!

The horseradish I decided to try this year. I have no experience with it, but I know it can be preserved and I guess I will figure it out as I go! Let me know if you have planted horseradish before  and how you used it!

 Regular old beans. Bush style so they don't have to climb. We have about 50 jars left from last year, so why did I plant beans?!?!

Heirloom tomatoes.

I planted 2 boxes of broccoli and have had a few meals, but not near as prolific as last years. (grrr)

2 more years and we will begin to harvest asparagus. Patience?!

Red Russian Garlic I replanted from last year's amazing harvest. I know- I have to get the scapes cut off~

Burpless cukes for my cucumber/mint water. Sllloooowwwwwwww to grow.

Pok Choi, Swiss Chard and Collards-Happiest with them! Planted in the square foot method.

2 boxes of onions (red, yellow, white) and leeks. Those will all go into the dehydrator when it is time.

I call this the Annex. In the straw bales I planted summer squash and zucchini. On the left side are purple and rattlesnake heirloom pole beans. These will be left to dry on the vines for storage beans. In the top of the picture are my pepper plants and a lonely heirloom tomato plant that chose to reseed himself this spring. Excited to see if it is the yellow or the cherry tomatoes.

So, Constant Reader, I give you my vegetable garden. I am incredibly disappointed in it but am trying not to beat myself up too badly. I will reap some things although my sowing was not up to my standards. I have also planted an herb garden I will share with you soon.

God Bless~

Rising Phoenix

This year has truly run away without me. After spending the last 6 months slaying dragons, gracefully surviving an incredibly difficult professional year and hunkering down for a very long and cold Maine winter, I am ready to focus again! Like the phoenix rose up from the depths-I am back!

I have clawed my way up from deep despair and was not satisfied with ground level happiness. I saw the mountains in the distance and decided to spread those wings (which were broken by another long ago) and focus on the highest peaks.

I have begun a soap making business and I got sober. My heart and my mind have been transformed from an angry, bitter, pained, broken human being to an inner peace that can only be given by God. I know his arms are around me for he has changed me completely.

Which brings me to a personal attack which took place this past week by a person who has known me since birth. It was the third time she has lunged the knife into my back and in my world-3 strikes you are out. Yesterday, I removed the knife from my back and used it to carve her out of my life-forever. Difficult-yes. Necessary-yes. You see, along with sobriety goes peace. I have no time for fake relationships and even less time for being dragged through the dirt publicly. People make their own choices and decisions and have to live with the consequences of those.

I have made many mistakes in my life. I have hurt people, I have treated people poorly and I have made a complete ass of myself. Through sobriety and therapy, I am working to become a better person. I'm not afraid anymore. That is an amazing feeling!

If you are struggling with drug or alcohol issues or are a victim of domestic violence, I plead with you-please get help. There are so many places to receive it and (believe it or not) YOU are not alone. I care about you and I am so happy to be standing before you as I was made to be. Whole.

God Bless!

Bread-Rosemary

So, this is a new bread recipe for my family here on the farm and I am amazed at how quickly the pieces disappear! I could make a loaf every day and my two teenage boys and husband would see to it that there were no crumbs left. Feeding Frenzy! 

Enjoy!

Rosemary Bread

Ingredients:

1 cup warm water

1 T sugar

2 tsp yeast

1 tsp salt

2 T fresh rosemary or 2 tsp dry rosemary

1 tsp Italian seasoning

1 tsp pepper

2 T olive oil

1 1/2 cup bread flour plus 1/2+cup for kneading

***1 egg whisked and 1 T water for egg wash***

In a big bowl put water, sugar and yeast. Allow to sit for 10 minutes

Add salt, rosemary, seasonings, olive oil and flour until ingredients form a ball

Knead on a floured surface for about 5 minutes. Add more flour as the dough becomes sticky

Knead until smooth

Put dough in a covered, greased bowl until it doubles in size (about an hour)

Punch dough down and form into a round loaf. Place on a nonstick surface (I used non stick aluminum foil) and let it rise double again (about 45 minutes)

Preheat pizza stone in 400 degree oven

Place dough on preheated stone after it has risen for a second time.

Top with egg wash

400 degree oven for 20-25 minutes until top is golden

3 Hobbies- Do You Have 3?

The new secret to happiness is (drum roll please)...

                ...having 3 hobbies that don't have anything to do with screen time and that aren't connected to your occupations. Happiness=No Screen time? Not a difficult concept to wrap my head around.  Time for some soul searching and deciding what are those 3 hobbies I possess  to find complete and total happiness in my somewhat chaotic life. I think I do have 3.

1. Soap Making
2. Gardening
3. Prepping



Soap making is going to (hopefully) turn into a profession but at this time it is just a hobby. The time and money involved to go from hobby to full production is a little frightening for me at this time. Making soap fills my creative need. The variations of styles, textures, scents and colors are endless. Plus, the final product outcome makes you clean!

Gardening fills my connection to the earth and its many cycles. I am in no way a drugged out hippie. It is just a passion of mine to continue to make improvements and changes on my little farm and take it as far as I can. If you aren't inspired by a tiny little seed who grows up and nourishes your body, then you definitely have to unplug!

Prepping allows me to plan ahead and create security for myself and my family in scenarios big and little. It takes the stress and worry out of any impending dangers. I know Jesus taught of the birds relying on their faith to provide for them but I am pretty sure He would be proud of the Preppers of the world. I would like to think that if birds were able, they would prep-squirrels do!

So what do you think? Do you want to be happy and have a more amazing life? Take inventory and decide what kinds of interests YOU have. Go ahead...I'll wait!

Apple Crisp- Hidden Acres Style

I'm not a big dessert freak...but my family sure does have some favorites. I made an easy apple crisp this weekend and had most of the ingredients on hand. A stocked pantry is a good sign as we head into some leaner financial months!

Hope you enjoy it~

Ingredients

4 apples
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup oats
1/3 cup butter-softened
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg

375 degrees

Grease bottom and sides of 8 inch square pan

Layer apples in the bottom  of the pan

Mix remaining ingredients together and spoon over apples

Bake for 30 minutes until the topping is a lovely brown

Serve with some ice cream or whipped cream or whatever you fancy!

Tis The Season-Dehydrating Turkey

We always stock up on turkeys this time of year. At $7.00 a bird it would be silly not to. We ended up having our regular Thanksgiving feast and then the next day another turkey went into the oven. It seemed like a good idea at the time but as we started eating through the second bird, my family began to show some signs of~ "Enough already"(kindly of course). Oh, dear. Whatever were we to do with all of these scrumptious leftover white and dark pieces of heaven? 

Making jerky was our first thought but reading about how turkey can come out somewhat more brittle than beef, we decided to dehy it. Oh what fun!

This works well with chicken and turkey, but you will not want to use goose or duck or any other bird that has a lot of fat or prepares as greasy. Fully cook the turkey. Allow it to cool and remove skin and any extra fat. 

The recipe said to cut the turkey into cubes measuring 1/2 an inch. That did not work out for me at all. I cubed what I could, but there was also a lot of shredded and extra falling pieces that ended up on the tray. 

Layer turkey meat in a single layer on lined dehydrator trays. Set temperature at 155 degrees for 4 hours and then lower to 130 degrees for the rest of the drying time. The pieces should be hard and dehydrated all the way through.

 (***Remember, I can not direct you as to the full length of dehydrating. It all depends on your machine and your situation.)

To use your dehydrated turkey pieces: add 1 cup of boiling water to 1 cup of turkey. 

Use in soups, stews, and anywhere else you would use turkey!

Good luck and keep dehydrating!!!